just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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