come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
