There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
