do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
