Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
