It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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