She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
