new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
