Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
