Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
