your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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