You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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