matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.