Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking