WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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