and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.