just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?