The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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