I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.