The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.