I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
