you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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