Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
