I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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