Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens