k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
