There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"