At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
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is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men