The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
