My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
