I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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