im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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