What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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