it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
