I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize