you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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