Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize