take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
