my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
