i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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