i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
