hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
