the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
