who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
