I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
