Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
