Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
