New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Shame - the story of my life.
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