Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
