i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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