he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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