This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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