Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
