I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do vagina's smell?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
