Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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