You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
