I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
