YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
