I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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