why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
