it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
