Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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