There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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