k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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