Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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