When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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