Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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