I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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