In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
