Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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