I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
